watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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