wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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