they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
