remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
