The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
