i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
