i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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