so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
