Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
