420 ftw
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Randomize
