if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
