Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize