Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
