my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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