You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
