I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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