how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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