there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
