I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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