I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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