dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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