So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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