There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize
