i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
