Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
