dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
