Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
