I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
this hospital has no fireball
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
