I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
