dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize