You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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