I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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