apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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