there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
