You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
