This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
