Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
