You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
