I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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