so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
even my farts smell like vagina
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
