Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
