I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
