I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
