Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
