The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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