Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
