Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
