I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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