Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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