At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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