I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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