My girlfriend figured out who you are.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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