At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
