So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
