There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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