I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize