Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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