I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
