You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
