its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
