His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
