Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
