It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
