how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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