im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize